O-Ed Eleven/Script
giggles as Eddy shows him a bare wall. Eddy: "Oh Ed. Whaddya think? Huh?" Edd: muttering "I'm surrounded by idiots." Ed: "Cool! It is so flat!" Edd: "A wall, Eddy? Certainly you jest." pulls on a cord at the wall's base and part of the wall unravels, revealing a door with multiple locks. Eddy: "Ya wanna see my brother's room?" Edd: shocked "Your brother's room?" Ed: excited "Every man for himself!" reaches for the doorknob only to have Eddy slap his hand away. Eddy: "Hey, wait a minute! Who gave you permission to touch his door?" Ed: "Nobody?" Eddy: "That's right, Ed." he gives Ed a chair. "Have a seat, relax. Maybe I can trim your toenails or something." Ed: "Oh, be still my heart." takes a rope out and ties Ed to the chair. Eddy: "Now then." angry "If you touch anything in my brother's room I'll–" Edd: "Eddy. How do you suppose we enter this outpouring of resistance?!" Eddy: "No problem. I got a key." ---- crowbar is wedged between the doorframe and the door. It wiggles some, and then the door is thrown open. Eddy: "Come on in, boys. Check it out." Eds gaze at the numerous knickknacks scattered about the room. Ed: "Your brother's room is cool, Eddy!" Eddy: "My brother is the coolest, Ed." Edd: "Yes, well, in some circles I'm sure. Shall we throw caution to the wind and enter this lair of–" drags Edd back just as a safe falls from the ceiling. The safe lands on Edd's foot. Eddy: "Watch it! My brother was a whiz at booby traps." continues in. Edd: pain "But Eddy, the safe!" Eddy: "Already checked it, Double D. It's empty." pulls Edd along. "Can't you just smell his greatness?" Ed: "I think that is me, Eddy." Eddy: top of a car "Look at this! Ain't she a beaut?" rubs it. "My brother said I could have it when I turn fourteen!" Edd: "Not that it's out of place in this den of dishevelment, but why is there a vehicle sitting in your brother's bedroom?" Eddy: "He keeps his snake in the trunk." opens the trunk. "Huh, the little weasel must've escaped again." Edd: scared "Escaped? Oh dear, oh dear, oh–" backs into the giant stuffed camel. Eddy: "Hey, watch the camel! I said no touching!" Ed: "Oh, I wish I had a room like this!" Edd: sneezing "Dust! From a camel! Oh, who knows where that thing has wallowed. Air, I need air!" unfurls the drapes to reveal a bricked-up window. Eddy: "Ha ha! My brother was a whiz at laying bricks! Hey Lumpy, did you catch that one? Ed! Get away from there!" opens the fridge, and a bed pops out onto Edd. Eddy: "What'd I tell ya? Don't touch any of my brother's stuff, Ed." folds the bed back up and closes the fridge door, not noticing that Edd is stuck to the bottom of the mattress. "Ever thought of renting out that empty space you call a head?" Edd: dazed "Oh, look at the time, gotta go. Ta-ta." Eddy: "Where are you going?" leads him to another section of the room. "Did I tell you my brother was a whiz at chewing ice cubes?" looks at a shelf. On the shelf are a jar of beans, a mannequin head, and a trophy. Ed: "Cool." leans in towards the camel, and then needs to sneeze. His sneeze sets the trophy wobbling. Edd: "Please, Eddy. I'm sure your brother was a multifaceted individual, but I–" trophy falls onto Edd's head. Eddy immediately turns around and eyes the trophy fearfully. Eddy: scared "Did it dent?" Ed: "I will get it, Eddy." stands up, breaking the ropes effortlessly. "Nice and soft like a kitten." picks it up with his teeth. Eddy: to pull the trophy away "Ed, get your slobbering mouth off my brother's trophy!" Ed: "Yow! Yow! Yow!" Edd: "Okay, that's it, I protest!" Eddy: "Let go, you pathetic excuse for a lump!" Ed: "Yow!" Eddy: "Let go!" Ed: "Yow!" Eddy: "Ed!" Edd: "I've truly had enough–" trophy breaks in half. The resulting collisions of the warring parties shake a paper loose from a beach umbrella set up in a corner of the room. It lands in front of Ed. Ed: it to Edd "Read to me what is on the pretty paper, Double D." Eddy: "Forget the stupid paper, find me some stupid tape!" Edd: it over "Why, I do believe this is a map." Eddy: "Let me see that thing." looks at it. "It's a map to my brother's secret stash! We're gonna be rich, swimming in moolah, rolling in hay!" realizes he can't read it. "Uh…I think it's in Greek. My brother was a whiz at bouzouki playing." Edd: "Yes, well. It appears to be some form of encoding." Ed: it "Let's thaw it out at my house! My mom has a stove." Eddy: "What're you talking about, Ed? My stove'll work fine." takes it from Ed, and Edd takes it from Eddy. Edd: "Oh please. The strange thing is, all treasure maps have some indication as to its location, a star, an X, a cross–but I don't see anything here! It's baffling! Do you see one in here, because I don't!" thinking "This requires careful study and can only be solved by ingenuity and patient effort. Meet me at my house in one hour." Eddy: impatient "One hour?" Edd: "And I'll have your answer to our destiny, gentlemen." leaves. Eddy: "Great. What are we supposed to do for an hour?" Ed: "I've got an elastic, Eddy." Eddy: "Big deal." shoots the elastic at Eddy. "YOWCH!" ---- hour later, Ed and Eddy stroll up to Edd's house. Eddy slams a shovel against Edd's door repeatedly. Edd: nonplussed "Why did you pummel my door with a shovel?" Eddy: "So…where do we start digging, Double D?" Edd: ashamed "I concede to your brother's ingenuity! I couldn't decipher the map!" Eddy: shocked "What?" ---- shows his friends into the living room, which is peppered with books and maps. Edd: "I tried everything! I exhausted all theorems! Eliminated all conjecture! Pondered every viewpoint! But this is one mother of a treasure map, Eddy!" Eddy: "You're supposed to be the smart guy! You're messing with our group dynamics!" Edd: "It's beyond me, Eddy." Eddy: "He always had it out for me! He's doing this on purpose, I tell ya! I need that treasure bad, Double D!" Ed: "I think I just thunk." Edd: "Was that English, Ed?" picks up Eddy. Eddy: "Let go of me, funnelhead!" places Eddy in front of the projected map. The line leads across his face to the X in Eddy's ear. Ed: "X marks the spot, Double D! Yep." amazed, stares at Ed's handiwork. It seems as if Ed has, indeed, solved the puzzle. Edd: blown "By Jove, he's got it! Ed, how did you do that?" Ed: "Because I'm a brother and Eddy's brother is a brother and Eddy is a brother to Eddy's brother as a brother I am." Edd: "Um, nicely put, Ed." Eddy: "Oh brother." layers a map of the cul-de-sac over the original. Edd: "Now, if I were to place this over top of your brother's map, there may be a correlation to the area of its location." Eddy: "Hurry up, I'm starting to see spots." map looks like it leads to a grassy, secluded area. Edd: "I've found it! Oh no." stops smiling. hunts frantically through a file cabinet. Edd: "Eddy, according to my calculations, your brother's treasure lies deep within the confines of–" slaps a file on the table. "The trailer park!" are photos of the Kankers and some notes. Eddy: agitated "Kankers." pounds his fists on the file. "My brother's a whiz at ticking me off!" ---- gym bag lies in a hole, exuding a horrid stench. Ed, dressed like an adult, operates a jackhammer next to it. The Kankers throw open the door to their trailer. Lee: "Hey, what stinks?! What's goin on out here? Who the heck are you?" Marie: "Slug 'em, Lee." Lee: "Shut up, I'm concentrating." Edd: an adult, directing a detour, in a false voice "Just construction workers doing their job, miss. Yessiree. We're repairing a darn broken sewage pipe–um–so hence the um–stink." Lee: "I've seen this guy before. Let's see some ID there, Mr. Man." Marie: "He's so cute." makes a fake ID card and produces it. Edd: "There you go, miss. That's me. Walter Sobchak. A construction worker." Lee: "Good enough for me." Marie: "Yep. See ya later, cutie." Kankers turn to go inside. May: "Gimme a call sometime, Wally." spent, slumps against a sawhorse as soon as the Kankers leave. Eddy: "Man, that was close. So what are we waiting for? Let's go get our loot, buddy boy!" shakes Edd. Edd: Eddy off "Can't you see I'm trying to regain my composure?" takes the gym bag and shoves it under Edd's nose. Edd: "All right! All right! Heavens, Ed, please zip up your gym bag. We're quite done with it." Ed: "It's not just a gym bag, Double D. It's a way of life!" takes it and walks off. Edd: "Shall we resume our quest?" takes out the map. "If my interpretation of the map is correct, the treasure should be buried underneath the Kankers' trailer." Eddy: "Let's start digging." look around the disgustingness that is the underside of the Kankers trailer and stand up, grossed out. Edd & Eddy: "Let's get Ed to dig." ---- puts the lid back on a stick of butter. Ed has been buttered up to help him fit. Edd: "This butter should provide enough lubrication in order for you to squeeze under the trailer, Ed." Ed: "My fantasy come true! I AM BUTTERED TOAST!" Eddy: "Ssh! You want the Kankers to hear ya? Now start digging!" grabs for Ed, but he slips from Eddy's grasp. This happens every time Eddy grabs for him. Edd: "Please keep it down!" Eddy: "Ed, get back here!" Ed: "It is slippery, Eddy!" Edd: "Ed, Eddy! Control yourselves!" lands on the ground, laughing. Eddy seizes this opportunity and kicks Ed under the trailer. Eddy: fantasizing "I bet it's gold! Or rough-cut diamonds!" lifts the trailer. Ed: "It smells under here, guys." Edd: clenched teeth "Down, Ed, down! Put it down!" Ed: "What?" can't hold the trailer up, and it crashes back down. Marie: "Go tell those guys to keep it down, Lee." Lee: the door open "HEY WALTER!" looks around. The Eds have deserted their fake construction site. Lee: "No sign of 'em, Marie. Must be on a coffee break." goes back inside. The camera shifts to show that the Eds have taken refuge underneath the trailer. Edd: nervous "This is becoming extremely dangerous, Eddy!" Eddy: "Let's get the stash and get out of here!" Ed: "Is that you tickling me, Eddy?" ---- the trailer, the brood is watching TV. Marie: "Hey Lee, get off your rump and run my bath." Lee: Marie towards the stairs "Get some exercise, it's good for ya." ---- the trailer, Ed has dug a gigantic hole. The shovel clangs on something solid. Ed: "Hey guys, I hit something!" Eddy leaps into the hole. Eddy: "Get out of the way, Monobrow." clears the dirt from the top of a treasure chest. "I'm rich! Filthy rich!" ---- the bathtub, Marie is washing clothes. Marie: "Lee, get me the strainer. These clothes are crusty." ---- Eds strain to pull the suitcase free. Ed finally manages to do it, and he pops through the bathroom floor. He then sees Marie who notices him. Marie & Ed: "AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" Lee: the door down using May "What's goin on in here?" Eddy: out of the hole "Where'd you put the treasure, Ed?" cringes in fear. "I don't see it, Ed." Ed: to where it lies before grabbing Edd "Over there, Eddy." Eddy: it in "There you are! Oh man, I can see it now! Mansions! Yachts! Friends!" heaves it open as his friends cower. His hopes are instantly dashed; the suitcase is full of wishbones. Edd: "Wishbones?" pair of hands slam the case shut and take it away. Eddy: with his friends "I'm so confused!" Edd: "I think your brother's a whiz at pulling your leg, Eddy!" Lee: "Looks like we've adopted some groundhogs, eh girls?" Marie: out of the tub and wearing a towel "Cute chubby-cheeked ones, too." May: the case "Hey! I forgot where I hid these!" Ed: "Well what do we do now, guys?" looks at the Kanker file. Edd: "We'll pay you a bribe. Fifty cents. From each of us." Eddy: nauseous "Fifty? Pay? I can't breathe!" ---- and Ed come flying out of the trailer hitting in the trash can. Eddy runs after them. Eddy: "Guys! Wait!" Lee: "Oh no, you don't." grabs him and hauls Eddy back inside. Eddy: "I'll give you an I.O.U! C'mon! Spot me!" slams the door shut. Ed: waving "Catch you later, Eddy!" Edd: tearfully "Oh, Ed! If only I had brought just a few more quarters!" Ed: "You did the brotherly thing, Double D." puts an arm around Edd and leads him away. Edd: "You really think so, Ed?" Ed: "Think what, Double D?" Eddy: inside the Kankers' trailer "Help me!" Category:Season 3 Category:Season 3 Scripts